I recently got an e-mail from a woman who's about to have an oophorectomy  and I realized that it's been far too long since I posted an update.  How am I doing?  What's life like after getting your ovaries removed?  

Life is pretty much back to normal.  If I can offer one piece of advice ... DON"T LIFT ANYTHING while your recovering.  And be compassionate with yourself.  I  think most of the trauma for me was emotional.  My husband didn't really understand why I was doing this even though his mom died of ovarian cancer and my mom got lucky and survived it.  I felt mourning of my womanhood, my motherhood, and in some cases, I felt like a coward for doing it.  I couldn't keep myself mentally positive enough to ward off cancer.  I tried to keep it a secret.  

Ultimately, I had to get some perspective on this.  I am still a woman.  I can still be a mom if I choose to adopt a child in need.  My choice was MY choice.  It was the best thing for me at the time.  I'd do it again!  My head is clear, knowing I won't ever get ovarian cancer! I now think it was a brave thing to do.  The patch is not a big deal at all.  I put it on and forget it.  If a friend or someone at the beach sees it, I don't really care.  The scars are only really visible to me.  

Feed your mind with positive things.  Listen to audio books with an uplifting message.  Rebuild yourself and keep yourself emotionally strong.  If someone doesn't understand, don't take it personally.  If they watched their loved ones struggle with this disease and they could take measures to prevent it, you bet they would!  And know that I'm here for you if you need me.  And there are others like us.  

I will leave you with a song that I wrote.  May it bless you.  Enjoy being alive and healthy!  xoxo

Day 21

It’s been a while since I’ve updated. I guess that’s good!  I’m still feeling tired but mostly good. I had to get a lot of work done this week so I felt almost normal. I’m still bruised but all my scabs fell off last week. The belly button scab was the last one and was pretty big, but it too came off yesterday. I know it’s gross, but I wanted to see it & maybe save it for a while but it fell off somewhere and I can’t find it. That made me a little sad … crazy as it sounds! I also had to lug my guitar around yesterday and that was too much! I’m still sore and that seemed to aggrevate things. The soreness is internal so I forget sometimes until I try to do something like move the couch, my keyboard or lug my guitar on my back.

My sister had her post op Friday and her ovaries are clear!! She opted for the same HRT treatments I’m getting. Also, before I took a nap yesterday, I felt sexual urges! This really shocked me. I thought I may not feel those again, but it seems that’s not the case. My mood is mostly good but I’ve had a hard time getting motivated to do things. Oh, and I had sex the other day and it was good! No pain. A little messy because I’m still spotting brown sludge but other than that, good. My sister had sex the other night too, after getting the IUD put in that morning and she said she had no pain either. She also suggested Astroglide as a lubricant. It’s the best for our situation. I’m going to try it. That’s all for now!

Day 14

So, Friday, I got the script filled for the estrogen patch. It’s bigger than I expected and not skin tone. I put it on my lower abdomen and so far, it’s stayed in place. It’s strange to think that I will be wearing this everyday for the next 8 years. The IUD is easy to forget about but this is not. Of course, the other option is to take a pill and that doesn’t sound fun either.

Friday, I don’t even remember what I did.

Saturday, Craig left for work and I was alone for the day for the first time. I feel silly admitting this but he called while I was in the shower and I missed the call. I tried calling him back and couldn’t get a hold of him. I started crying and feeling anxious. I can’t explain it but it was like a well of emotion that was waiting for a trigger. I feel slightly traumatized and a little sad. I think about my life, and my choices and I replay things I wished I’d done differently. Pointless use of energy. Anyway, these feelings passed and I found some things to take my mind off it. But I have a feeling that I’m going to need to release these emotions at some point or I may unleash them in the wrong place. 

Here's a picture of my bellybutton from yesterday:

Day 11

It’s been a few days since I’ve updated. I went for my follow up on Tuesday and I got a good report. Nothing suspicious in my ovaries or tubes. Lisa came to have her questions answered and I think she’s going to get the IUD and patch as well. My doctor and hers have different treatment views. Her doc says take oral birth control if you’re having menopausal symptoms. Mine believes that I should be on HRT till I’m 50. Progesterone IUD and Estrogen patch. Enough studies have been done to show that estrogen does not increase breast cancer risk and that progesterone if systemic will. Local progesterone (in and IUD) will not increase the risk of breast cancer.

I talked to the doc about my UTI. She apologized for the doctor on call. Standard procedure is to give the patient an antibiotic immediately (especially if they’ve been catheterized) and then if they don’t respond to the treatment, switch antibiotics according to the culture. She also said, I can do things when I feel ready … sex, working out, etc. I can take motrin. Bleeding is normal and will last a little longer than a normal period.

After the visit, Craig & I ate in the cafeteria. I was sad because I ate there with my father before when he was getting treated at Roswell. We tried to fill the prescription at Rite Aid but they have to special order the patches. After that, we stopped at Aunt Roses and Joe’s for a little while. Then we ate at the Family Tree and went back to my mom’s.

Yesterday, we drove back to Queens … 400 miles. I drove 180 and was ok but feeling tired and sore after. Craig had to carry all the luggage and bags up 3 flights of stairs. He was not happy but I can’t lift anything too heavy. While we were unpacking things and I was bending and reaching and lifting, I was feeling strain and soreness. It was great to be back in my bed and I slept really well. 

Today, I had some coffee, a shower and a con call at 10. After, I felt really tired. I moved the car and went to Rite Aid to fil the script. They don’t have the patches handy either so I have to wait another day. I took a 2 hour nap and then did some computer work while Craig was with clients. I’m a little sore today but I think everyday is an improvement.   

Day 7

Today, Craig woke me up with breakfast & coffee made. I was feeling less burning when I pee, but still burning. I took some pills and eased into the day. Craig had a skype session so I took a shower and shaved my beastly long armpit hairs and my legs. The legs were a little tricky, but I managed. Things were a little easier today. Putting on pants & socks was easier.

Craig and I went to a movie and then to Lisa’s for dinner. The uti meds make me a little nauseous but it’s tolerable. We had chilli for dinner and then Tom came over for a bit. Lisa’s recovering even faster than I am but she didn’t get and IUD or a UTI. Tomorrow is my follow up and she’s coming with me to talk about HRT. Her doc dosen’t want her on anything unless needed. I’m on IUD and tomorrow I get my estrogen patch. Interesting.

My side incisions are loking great and my bellybutton is still crusted in blood & glue but it’s a week today so I’m sure I’ll get there.   

Day 6

Today, I got up at 7am and felt like someone was stabbing me in the vagina. Burning, stabbing, pain! Craig got up and asked if I wanted him to wake up my mom. I said yes. She called the doctor on call and they had the freaking test results. UTI. Perfect. So, they called in a script of Cipro and pain killers but … pharmacy didn’t open till 10am because it’s Sunday. So, I took an oxycodone and went back to bed. That knocked me out thankfully.

Craig got up at 10:30 and got my meds. I got up at 11, ate and took the meds. Not immediate relief but by the middle of the day, I could stream pee without writhing. Still uncomfortable, still burning, stabbing but not AS bad. Assholes. Mom is still sick so Craig and I went to see the new Tarantino movie “Angry Eight” or something like that. Gory! I peed once during the movie (painful) and once after. A girl came in and asked “Are you ok”? I told her I had surgery a week ago and was moving slow. She seemed really concerned. I wasn’t sure what I did to concern her. Was it the look on my face? Slow movements? Moving away from wet sinks because I knew I had to lean on the counter to wash my hands? 

We got home and mom made pork chops and potatoes and corn for dinner. I ate a lot. Then I was so tired, I napped for about an hour. Craig had a session and mom & I watched TV. I know I should be posting on FB, Twitter, etc, but I just don’t feel like it. Took my 2nd dose of cipro and now, bedtime. Hopefully, I feel better tomorrow.

Today, mom went to urgent care.  She's been sick since we got here on Dec. 22nd.  

Craig and I got ready slowly and went to Lisa’s for the day. We watched 2 movies and ordered pizza & wings. I was mostly ok. Still a little sore. We got a call that cousin Jerry Terrana died. Sadness. He was a sweet man. I cried a bit and talked about it. I'd love to go to the funeral, but it's in Florida this weekend.  I don't think I'll be ready to travel so son after surgery.  

Last night, sleeping, I kept waking up gasping for air. Restless sleep. Today, I started cramping really bad around 11:30 am and it lasted till 4:30. Really painful period cramps. I’m still spotting too. Craig & I went to Kohls to fix my watches and shopped at Walmart for a while. Then, we watched a movie at Lisa’s. Almost took an oxy for pain but then it let up. Lisa’s van needed a jump after so Craig & I went. We visited for a few and I was exhausted. We had a drink and I noticed more bleeding. I got to mom’s and ... burning while I pee!  It felt like someone was stabbing me in the vagina. More blood. Normal?   

Day 4 - Recovery

Yesterday, Lisa finally had a BM and something very strange started happening. She seemed to get her period! How is that possible? So, she called the emergency number and they said, yes, she could be getting her period. I was extremely tired and ate some prunes and had myrolax so I could poop and still nothing but bloating.

Tom & Tina stopped by with an edible arrangement and they handed it to me. Heavy!! I was falling asleep as they were visiting. I was feeling so tired. Then, I was noticing burning as I was peeing and it was getting harder to pee. UTI? Great! So, I waited a few hours

and at 11:30 pm, called the emergency number to try to get antibiotics. No luck. I had to go in at 9am this morning to pee in a cup at Roswell. So, in the middle of the night, I woke up with a splitting headache and chills. I took an oxy and woke up at 7am sweating. When I got up to get ready for the hospital, I was nautious and still had a headache. I forced in some coffee and cereal hoping that would help. I got to Roswell and they wanted to “Streamline me” to save me the cost of a visit. So, they took urine at pathology and Craig was upset because I didn’t push for results that day. It’s going to take till Monday (today is Thursday, and New Years Eve). So, I’ve got to wait a long time for the results. When I got home, my mom went to Walgreen to get a dipstick test so we could nip it in the bud. It came back negative. So, maybe I’m just having trouble and that’s normal.

Then, Lisa decided to go home. This made me very emotional. I started crying. She was my partner and was abandoning me! I realized that I was being selfish. So, she said I could come over tomorrow and spend the day with her. I drove with mom to bring her home and then mom and I stopped at Tim Horton’s for coffee, the dollar tree for a screwdriver set to fix my watch and then Tops for some NYE food. That was a little more than I could handle. I went to the bathroom at Tops and I was spotting and cramping. I felt like a monster. No shower, no makeup, no hairdo, gross. So, I got home and ate tripe with mom and took a nap.

After my nap, I put on some makeup for the first time since surgery and fixed my hair. This seemed to help my spirits a lot. Craig got back from fixing the tires and mom made steak, potatoes and peas. We all ate and then had sticky buns. We watched sopranos and toasted with some amaretto at midnight. I was spotting more now. Chinks of brown, red and black.    

Day 3 

Yesterday I was sore.  More sore than the day before.  I ate better as the day progressed and I started peeing  a little better.  Lisa and I both napped yesterday and took it easy.  We watched The Grand Budapest Hotel with my mother & Craig.  In addition to all we’ve been going through, my mother has been sick for the past 9 days.  And she’s not quiet about it.  Coughing up fleghm, moaning, blowing her nose, etc, etc ,etc.  So, it’s been a bit morbid around here.  Lisa took off her bandages yesterday and her incisions were oozing.  She was disappointed because mine looked a lot better.  However, my belly button was bandaged because they had a hard time with it.  We had yet to uncover that.  I slept much better last night and I peed at 2 and 4 am.  When I got up at 4, my pee was burning.  I feel right back to sleep (after another oxycodone).  I got up today and was uncomfortable … at 8am, I decided to try tylonol instead of oxy and I paid the price.  Too early for that.  We ate eggs, cheese and salsa and Lisa’s been nautious.  I took my bandage off my bellybutton and it looks really gross.  Oozing blood and puss.  So, Lisa’s side cuts are worse and my bellybutton’s worse.  Even steven.  I feel like I’m having menstrual cramps as well and I haven’t pooped since Saturday … today is Wednesday.  Lisa had her first poop and I’m eating prunes as I write.  Certain things were easier today.  Getting in and out of bed, peeing, taking a shower.  Bending is easier but still uncomfortable.  My throaght is better today as well. It hurt a few days after the surgery because they use a breathing tube.  I’m a little high at the moment on oxy and I’m ok with that!  I think that’s it for now.  The goal today is to poo!